The Real Difference between Democrats and Republicans

A friend posted this joke on his Facebook page.  I routinely fact check jokes because if one is accustomed to using relaxed (sub-par) intellectual standards it will be particularly apparent in a joke where they expect no critical reading of the facts.

In this case I read the joke carefully to gain the full benefit of the humor (which I enjoyed) and to glean the information contained therein.   I check the facts, and if required by the facts, rewrite the joke to reflect the facts discovered.  In this case the facts represented in the joke are wrong, and indicate another conclusion than that represented by the punch line, so I rewrote the joke to reflect the actual facts.

What follows is both the original joke and the rewrite.

 The most important fact was that at least the woman knew she was lost.



First the original joke:

The Difference Between a Democrat and a Republican

by Bill Roat on Wednesday, July 13, 2011 at 12:50am

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. "

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

By: Barbara Battibulli

Here is the rewrite to the facts:

The Actual Difference between Democrats and Republicans.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. "

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I will probably vote Republican but I am a Conservative not a party member," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist putting down her cell phone, "Nothing you told me is technically correct. After you gave me the coordinates, I called a friend to check your information as anyone would in any matter of importance. The coordinates you have given me are located in Sichuan Province in Communist ruled China. The altitude at those coordinates is 13,358 feet ASL, the altitude you have given me is located over eleven thousand feet below ground level. You are holding an instrument you clearly do not know how to read, you have intentionally misled me and given me information that is entirely fictional while pretending to be an expert, and have done so in an arrogant and disparaging manner. You are clearly too mired in your own self importance to perform the work necessary to determine the real facts, and if I give credence to any information you might provide I will almost certainly assure my own destruction as you will no doubt die before admitting you have no idea where you are, what to do or how to find out these things. Or, you are just too lazy to turn on the GPS and look up the real coordinates. Either way the result is the same."

 Other questions raised by the original text are:

Did the Obama Democrat know he was misleading her or was the China thing just a Freudian slip?

Was the Obama Democrat so convinced of his own abilities (see Dunning-Kruger effect) that he had no idea that he was lying?